


Ruby red droplets

by Pearlislove



Series: A taste of Ruby [3]
Category: Mamma Mia! (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blood, F/F, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 04:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17053373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: After Fernando's death, Ruby struggles to cope





	Ruby red droplets

**Author's Note:**

> An indipendant fanfoc taking place shortly after Fernando's death in 'Seconds of Ruby'
> 
> TW: Self-harm and blood

Ruby's eyes opened wide, the vivid aftermath of yet another nightmare chasing her as she bolted out of bed and on into the bathroom.   
  
Instinctively, she close the door and lock it securely behind her. Feeling her legs folding under her, she sank down with her back against the wood and allowed herself to close her eyes for a second.   
  
She felt suffocated, every breath shallower than the last as she tried and failed to gain control of her derailing thoughts.   
  
"No no no no" She shook her head, trying to force the ideas digging deeper into her mind out of her head. There were evil voices whispering in her ears. Malicious and laced with poison, they lured her deeper and deeper into to the darkness as she tried to convince herself not to go this way. She didn't want this, she told herself. She didn't want to do it and would only regret it if she started with such habits again. "Don't make me do this" She cries, begging for her own mind to leave her alone.   
  
Her words fall on deaf ears, and the want moves around inside her body like an alien worm crawling under her skin. Absentmindedly, she scratch her long nails against her wrist, pushing harder when it didn't sooth the way she wanted it to.   
  
"Ruby?"   
  
There's a knock on the door, Tanya's voice pulling her out of her fantasies.   
  
"I'm fine" She replies, more on long since ingrained habit than anything else.    
  
She glances down at her wrist, and see the fresh blood smeared across her skin. It's dripping from her sharp nails, and she knows that if Tanya sees it she will be very angry.   
  
Ruby does see it, and she is angry. Angry with herself, with the demon in her head who did it without her consent and with Fernando who died. She is angry with everyone and no one all at once and it's overwhelming. 

 

And yet, as she watches the dark red blood splattered against the pale skin of her forearm, she smile weakly.   
  
A shiver runs through her body from head to toe, a feeling of shameful pleasure setting her nerve ends on fire as she feel her need finally easing.    
  
"Ruby! Ruby can you hear me!?" Tanya's voice is desperate, her knuckles hitting hard against the wood and shaking the handel, trying to force it open in pure desperation. "Ruby what's happening?!"   
  
Once more, Tanya's voice pull Ruby out of her head, and she realizes that her nails have been laid to rest, but her hands have moved to squeeze her thighs, sending sparks of pain through her system as they touched damaged skin. Meanwhile, her wrist keep bleeding, the blood painting everything around her. The white embroidery at the edge of the nightgown has long since turned rusty brown and for the first time, she starts to feel a little scared.   
  
"Nothing. I’m...I’m fine Tanya.” Her voice is thick with tears and she know that Tanya won’t buy it. She wouldn't have, had it been the other way around. She swallow hard, her hand squeezing tighter on her thigh to generate more pain as she glanced over at the sink. There's a razor that Tanya must have left out balancing on the edge of it, and it give her horrible ideas.   
  
Slowly, she lift her non bloody hand and reach out to take it.   
  
"For fuck's sake...Ruby!" Tanya scream louder, hands hitting harder against the wood. "Unlock the door, please! Let me in!"   
  
Just as Ruby is about to grip it, she pulls back, terrified by the violent swearing on the other sound of the door.   
  
Trembling, she moves towards the door. First she crawl, then she tries to stand and nearly topple over as she does. The white bathroom door catch her at the last second and she takes a moment to breath in and out, trying to banish the black spots dancing across her field of vision.   
  
Finally, her fingers close around the lock, amd she unlock, backing away on shaking legs as Tanya comes rushing in, her face furious.   
  
"Ruby! What in the fuck are you..." She turn around, stopping short as she sees the state Ruby is in. There's blood everywhere, splattered across her skin and coating her silky nightgown. Her dark eyes are big and wide, and Tanya can hear the heavy breath entering and exiting her mouth just a little too fast. "What happened?" She asks, her voice softer now, slowly approaching Ruby the same way one would a wounded animal.   
  
  
Ruby shakes her head. She tries to move away, but  her legs fold underneath her and she can't help but feel thankful as Tanya's strong arms catch her, pulling her close. "I couldn't...couldn't not do it." She whispers, her voice thick with tears as she starts to cry again. "I had a nightmare and I just...it went automatically. I told myself not to but it didn't help." She sob, spending all energy left on not stopping Tanya from looking at her blood covered wrist.   
  
A wet tissue is dragged across the damage skin, and slowly the wounds emerge from the murky red-brown mess. Thin, deep scratches whose angry red colour make them clearly visible against milky white skin, taunting her and screaming at her to see what she has done. They run like criss-crossing roads on a map down the length of her forearm, and just the sight of it makes Ruby sick to the stomach.

 

She looked away, swallowing hard and not wanting to think any more about what exactly it was that she had done. What it said about the darkness that lurked in her head.

 

Tanya singh. She'd be stupid if she denied that she knew what it was she saw on Ruby's flesh, but she didn't think telling Ruby off for being stupid enough to even think about it would help. Instead, she pulled girlfriend close, rocking her gently and using a wet towel to  continue clean away the blood smears from her cheek and hands and legs. Clean off her sins from her physical person, hoping it might comfort somehow. “It's going to be okay. I promise you Ruby, it's going to be okay.”

 

Ruby shake her head. She appreciates what Tanya is trying to do, all the way from the gentle cleaning off her skin to the roclign and the loving words, but she can't believe a word she says. “No. Never. Don't you understand? It can't be!” Her voice rise to a shrill scream and her nails moved to her wrist, but Tanya stop her before she can do anything. 

 

“Ruby don't!” She scream, too, holding on tightly to both of Ruby's wrists before she can do what she intended. “Please Ruby, look at me.”

 

Sickened by what she had almost done, Ruby did turn her head away from her pinned down wrists, meeting Tanya's blue orbs instead. “I'm sorry...I can't...it's not  _ me _ …” She tried to explain, tries to make her understand that she doesn't want to but Fernando's death put a demon in her and she doesn't know how to break free.

 

“I know” Tanya said simply, releasing her wrists to pull her onto her lap, resting her head against her chest and kissing her face, tasting a tang of iron on her lips as she went. “I know, but you have to try. You have to let me help you.” She runs her fingers through the silky waves of dark hair running down her shoulders. “And even if you can't say the words, just...just hold on to me. Grab my arms of legs or whatever is closest. Hold me so you can not use your hands for anything else.” She tilts Ruby's head upwards, make her look her in the eyes. “Do you think you can do that for me? Please?”

 

Ruby looks into the stormy oceans hiding in her eyes, sensing the upset and worried overtaking her mind, and she nodded. She buried her head against Tanya's chest, her fingers clawing at the plaid pyjamas as she cry and and nod her head over and over again.

 

Tanya holds her close, one hand on Ruby's head and the other on her back, comforting as she best she knew how. 

 

“I love you Ruby”   
  



End file.
